The charity Mind describes trauma as
'when we experience very stressful, frightening or distressing events that are difficult to cope with or out of our control. It could be one incident, or an ongoing event that happens over a long period of time. Most of us will experience an event in our lives that could be considered traumatic.'
It would be almost impossible to write a list that covered everything traumatic that could happen in a persons life; and what is traumatic for one, might not be for the next. There are many forms of trauma people brush off, or don't even recognise as trauma. Not everything traumatic involves violence, or is big and loud, or violent. Trauma also sits in the same circle as childhood ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences). What happens to us when we are younger, can have a lasting effect on us as adults.
Here are just a few that we can experience ourselves as an adult, or being involved as a child:
-
Divorce / Relationship ending
-
Emotional neglect / abuse
-
Domestic abuse
-
Abandonment / rejection
-
Bullying
-
Mental health (yours or someone elses)
-
Physical / sexual abuse
-
Addiction
-
A member of the family being in prison
-
Job loss
-
Coercive control
-
Financial abuse
-
A sudden incident / accident
-
Bereavement
Research has shown that experiencing 4 or more ACES can have a significant impact on our mental, emotional and physical health as adults. So if you are sat there counting fingers and have got to 4, don't panic. It shows how much resilience you've built up... but I'll bet money that you are mentally exhausted a lot of the time and at some point, maybe now too, have struggled with low self esteem and lack of confidence.
The good news is there's lots you can do to rise to a better state. Great therapy isn't just about off loading (although you can do that!) whilst I sit and listen. It's about learning to understand why some things are the way they are; gaining insight and skills to spot things sooner, learning how to set boundaries and keep them. Therapy should always leave you in a better place by the time you've finished a run of sessions.